yum ginger mint.

i hate money. and paychecks. and having people i like owe me money. i hate all of it in general and wish that we could go back to a "goods for services" kind of society.

not that i have a lot of services to offer. seriously.



thank god for bosses who will go to bat for me and buy me a cup of ginger mint tea from panera.
thankful, indeed.

i hope and pray that this day gets better because it sure can't get any worse.

yay it's snowing!

eff, tucker!

things that make me happy:

getting along with my roommate. having the music to avenue q. feeling like i learned something this weekend. being [relatively] diligent in my homework. making friends that are okay with the fact that i am usually a crass jerk. making mix cds for people. having a journal about which no one knows. silly crushes. clean sheets and a monochrome meal.
things that don't make me happy:
hearing a mouse poking around in my room. my face breaking out. having too much to do and so little time. being disgusted with my friends. i can't explain why that happens to me or where it comes from, but inevitably it happens. and i hate it.




i like it when happy things come at the end of bad ones. it makes me much more likely to sleep well.

i feel just like a child

so pretty much i feel like a kid. all the time. in the midst of trying to be an adult, and take care of myself - i still embrace this childish demeanor.


giving up the pursuit of a pastoral career is a little harder than i thought it would be. though it was never what i wanted - it was what someone else wanted for me - i still find it difficult to resign myself to a ... lesser career. it frustrates me that my father called it that, but in some respects i can't help but feel that way.

then, to be honest with myself. in my honesty, i am able to admit that being a pastor appealed to me more out of a desire to be rebellious and pushing the norms of society. i liked being a woman preparing to be a pastor. it was like i had something to hold against the world who judged me and told me i couldn't do it. how lame is that?
that, more than anything, would condemn me in the end...