aah, informed consumption:

watched some of food, inc with the guys in scyp* for whom i facilitate groups today. told them that i don't care what they eat, but by god they're going to know what it is that goes on with the food they put in their bodies.


best. faces. ever.

*sedgwick county youth program. the guys there are juvenile offenders (16-23) and have to participate in cognitive skills groups. while i absolutely love working with these guys, anyone who knows anything about development knows that asking teenagers to use cognitive skills is like asking a goat to walk on two legs for the rest of its life.

urban farmer ftw?

i would like to preface this story by stating that i live in the suburbs.

about a week ago, myself and two friends were sitting on my back porch in the evening, enjoying the somewhat-similar-to-fall weather, the sounds of bugs in the dark and dogs barking, when we heard what sounded like a small child screaming in unbridled terror. looking at me with complete shock, one of my friends said, "is that a pig?!"

the answer was yes, yes it is.

at least once a week since that night, i have heard said pig squealing like...well, like a stuck pig. i've narrowed it down to the house behind mine. as i live in the suburbs, there is no alley separating our yards - just a privacy fence that really doesn't keep our backyard lives particularly private*.  it helps that my child-with-fur has shown a keen interest in the back fence all of a sudden. nero generally doesn't give two thoughts to another dog (not that he gives two consecutive thoughts to anything anyway)**, so his interest in the back fence was a pretty good indicator.

today we were out playing frisbee (being one of the only things my dog can focus on for longer than 13 seconds) when i heard that ungodly screeching coming from my neighbor's yard again. unable to contain myself, i snuck up to the not-so-private privacy fence and peeked through. the pig was standing on their back porch. with it's snout right by the sliding glass door. squealing to get let in. like a dog. like. a. dog.

are these people serious? is it even LEGAL to have a pig in the city limits? would they please let their damn pig in the house? also, if they can have a pig, but i can't have a pitbull, then we need to have a chat.



*example: on occasion, whenever their dogs are barkingbloodyhell at me when i'm watering the flowers in the garden, i will spray them through the fence to get them to leave me alone.

**remind me to document the running tally i keep of doors, doorjambs, walls and furniture that my dog walks into on a daily basis. and this isn't in the throes of excitement over getting fed or playing fetch - this is just normal walking around the house. or outside.

garnered from this tumblr. my new favorite internet obsession.

a line from my textbook when discussing american values and culture:

"individually we are ambivalent, while collectively we are, at best, a reluctant welfare state."

this makes me so sad in it's accuracy...anyone who dares to call this a christian nation should seriously consider our complete inability to live out equality and take care of one another beforehand.

politicspoliticspolitics. i want to be canadian.

sometimes:

i need to cry until i throw up.

layover:

if i die in a plane crash on my way to washington tomorrow, i need you to know something...

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i'm not sorry.

and would you mind just tossing my body into the sea?

thanks.

seattle, here i come!

something that changed my life

the priest said, during my catechism class this last week, "spirituality is practical."

*head explodes*

lenten musings:

a person i would call wise said to me awhile ago that what you do is based on what you think - that you're free to wish you believed something else, but that actions always, always reflect what you believe to be true. she didn't intend for this to happen, but this has been possibly the most convicting thing anyone has said to me lately.

[also, i recognize that most people would read that and think "yeah, obviously." however, in my experience, spiritual growth seems to be a process of relearning the same things over again and with deeper conviction. juvenile, perhaps, but it's where i live.]

i feel like those of us who claim to have any type of christian faith can live our lives in two different ways: first, by deciding what it is we believe and making our actions line up with those beliefs; second, by letting our actions be what they may then assigning our beliefs to coincide with how we naturally act.

i have been doing the latter for far too long.

i believe myself to be a moral person. i don't punch animals or small children, trip the elderly or call names to those [few] in the world nerdier than i. i try to pay attention to my friends and help when i can, offering advice, comfort or humor when necessary. when i love someone, i love unabashedly and usually loyally. none of this means anything without the proper motivation.

i'm tired of letting myself be whoever it is i just naturally am without considering the consequences or holding myself accountable to who i should be. the mistakes i've made, both named and unamed, that have resulted from this lifestyle are myriad. and it is no longer just a few mistakes - now it has become my entire life. my christianity has become entirely nominal. and what good is sacrifice when your reasoning is hollow? i don't want to be that person any longer.

also, i've been trying to figure out why orthodoxy has so pulled me in. i understand the initial interest, but have been surprised by my continued commitment. and all i can say is that...i've found something that works. it makes me think and it makes me feel and it makes me care, which is more than i can say for myself for the past couple years. i find freedom in the structure and feel the presence of god without it having to be emotionally teased from me. [for the first time, i feel as if i'm told women can't be leaders, but don't feel the oppression that generally comes with it].

i want to continue to be honest, not only with myself, but with others. if it comes time that i convert, i know i will have to open myself up to confession in a way i never have before. and that terrifies me. but hopefully that will begin a practice which will continue my entire life.

"lord my god, i know that i am not worthy nor sufficient that thou shouldest enter under my roof into the habitation of my soul, for it is all deserted and in ruins, and thou hast not a fitting place in me to lay thy head...thou didst not reject the sinful woman who ventured to draw near to touch thee, so also have pity on me, a sinner, approaching to touch thee...for it is not with careless heart that i approach thee, o christ my god, but i come trusting in thine infinite goodness, and fearing lest i may be drawn afar from thee and become the prey of the wolf of souls...implant in my members the fear of thee, be thou my helper and guide, directing my life in the paths of peace, and make me worthy to stand at thy right hand with thy saints..."

- from st. john chrysostom

reasons why i can't wait to finish this paper:

1. drink beer.

2. plant things in the ground.

3. grill things over fire.

4. do laundry.

well, 3 of the 4, at the very least.

what?

the hell.