i feel just like a child

so pretty much i feel like a kid. all the time. in the midst of trying to be an adult, and take care of myself - i still embrace this childish demeanor.


giving up the pursuit of a pastoral career is a little harder than i thought it would be. though it was never what i wanted - it was what someone else wanted for me - i still find it difficult to resign myself to a ... lesser career. it frustrates me that my father called it that, but in some respects i can't help but feel that way.

then, to be honest with myself. in my honesty, i am able to admit that being a pastor appealed to me more out of a desire to be rebellious and pushing the norms of society. i liked being a woman preparing to be a pastor. it was like i had something to hold against the world who judged me and told me i couldn't do it. how lame is that?
that, more than anything, would condemn me in the end...