31 December 2007

the most poignant realization yet:

you never really were a very good friend.



why fight with myself and spend time hardening my heart to the inevitable ache that your friendship will cause when, in reality, it was never that great of one anyway.
you're not a bad person. you're just not good for me, in any respect really.




i remember you saying to me "you like it when i'm an asshole, that's why i act like one." and it's true that that is annoyingly insightful. but the thing is, you're not an ass in jest - you truly are an ass.
and i don't like it anymore.

so i'm trying my best to erase this memory that has lodged itself in the back of my mind and floats to the surface at odd and wildly inappropriate moments. i don't want to remember your hands or your lips or your stupid, slurred words.

i want you out. for real.

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