yep.

it has to be a mark of my incredible character that i was just kissed by and rejected by the same guy in 24 hours for whom i've had feelings for upwards of year and i'm more concerned about his state of mind than my own.

right? this means i'm an amazing person and he would be lucky to have me, correct?

yeah, because all of the no people who read this blog really know.




there are no words to describe how ridiculous my life has become. i cannot find them, or fathom them or even create them. guttural noises are not sufficient. it's amazing that the time that i've been the most adult-like in my life is the time that i feel like the most crap for doing it.

what happened to the me that was so focused and knew i was loved even if it wasn't by the person who was standing in front of me? what happened to being coolly independent and stoic?
what happened to jesus? when did i fail to even consider him in the equation. i hate that this situation seems to be my rock-bottom, yet here i am. sitting at rock-bottom.