so, i'm listening to a world cafe podcast download on which david bazan [from pedro the lion] is being interviewed.
it is blowing my mind.
it's not as if it is new information. he's not saying anything i've not thought, heard or felt before - but it just resonates profoundly. part of what i've always adored about pedro the lion is that snarky, cynical quality to which i seem to be so naturally drawn. i've loved their approach to religion - a frank and pointed look at "the church" in general. a great example is the song "secret of the easy yoke." listening to that song is like finding a philosopher or church father that you never knew existed, but whom echoes your attitudes in a much more eloquent [and musical] manner.
"could someone please tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall?
i still have never seen you...and some days, i don't love you at all."
what good is my faith if i haven't questioned it enough to truly own it? if i can't care enough to bring myself to disagree with some things? i hate feeling like i have to fight constantly, but if i'm entirely certain of what i have when i'm finished, isn't it worth it? from the podcast...
"...the obsession with that category [being a christian or not being a christian] is the sum total of most people's faith identity."
he says before this that he got tired of considering the "am i on the bus? am i off the bus?" question and decided instead to deal with his doubts concerning christianity instead of worrying about the label. i've been thinking about this lately, given the time of year and the growing popularity of christian haunted houses *cough*. to accept jesus only because of your fear of hell isn't to love him for what he's done. it's clinging to him in order to escape danger. what happens when the fear has past? especially when this type of "evangelism" tends to imply that once you're saved from hell, then that's the biggest hurdle. it makes me sick.
i often wonder if this is why i am a christian.
if i knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when i died that would be it - i can't honestly say that i would make the same choices. that scares the shit out of me. and i haven't a clue what to do about it.
25 October 2009
21 October 2009
my spam goes to 100!:
i am not looking forward to being a student again. so much so that the simple process of becoming a student again in-and-of itself is daunting as hell. and it doesn't help that i'm a big fan of liberal arts education - but now that i've been in the real world and i'm footing my own bill, wsu with their cheap costs per credit hour is looking pretty damn tempting.
fuck.
in other news, i've been home almost three months and still have no job. when i moved back, i told myself that if i didn't have employment within three months, i would expand my search to the entirety of the US...that's not happening. i decided to return to graduate school for something practical, and if i keep jumping around that's just not going to happen. too bad i can't get paid to effectively be half of a youth leader and two different churches. then i could make money doing what i've been doing for the past two months anyway instead of just wasting it.
random happy things: everyone who is important seems to think that the decemberists' the hazards of love should be included in top 10 lists of 2009's best music (so far). this year is almost over and i've gotta say, i've fallen in love with this album no less than three times so far. i'm certain i can fit another one in. basically new music in general. several albums i've downloaded in the past several days make me so happy i wish that i could imbue the code used to maintain this blog with the sheer joy that i get from listening to these bands. listening to "world cafe" every night on kmuw [wichita's particular brand of npr]. discovering paste magazine's podcasts. okay. all of my random happy stuff has to do with music.
things to do: make and felt a yoda hat. figure out the rest of the costume. sheesh. stop spending money! find a job! fill out graduate school applications! pray more! care more! love more! yeah. that list is totally do-able.
note to self: stop watching scary television about paranormal bullshiz. i don't care if it's true - i'm telling myself it's bull. also, continue proofreading posts that you make this late in the evening.
fuck.
in other news, i've been home almost three months and still have no job. when i moved back, i told myself that if i didn't have employment within three months, i would expand my search to the entirety of the US...that's not happening. i decided to return to graduate school for something practical, and if i keep jumping around that's just not going to happen. too bad i can't get paid to effectively be half of a youth leader and two different churches. then i could make money doing what i've been doing for the past two months anyway instead of just wasting it.
random happy things: everyone who is important seems to think that the decemberists' the hazards of love should be included in top 10 lists of 2009's best music (so far). this year is almost over and i've gotta say, i've fallen in love with this album no less than three times so far. i'm certain i can fit another one in. basically new music in general. several albums i've downloaded in the past several days make me so happy i wish that i could imbue the code used to maintain this blog with the sheer joy that i get from listening to these bands. listening to "world cafe" every night on kmuw [wichita's particular brand of npr]. discovering paste magazine's podcasts. okay. all of my random happy stuff has to do with music.
things to do: make and felt a yoda hat. figure out the rest of the costume. sheesh. stop spending money! find a job! fill out graduate school applications! pray more! care more! love more! yeah. that list is totally do-able.
note to self: stop watching scary television about paranormal bullshiz. i don't care if it's true - i'm telling myself it's bull. also, continue proofreading posts that you make this late in the evening.
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