pedro the lion:

so, i'm listening to a world cafe podcast download on which david bazan [from pedro the lion] is being interviewed.

it is blowing my mind.

it's not as if it is new information. he's not saying anything i've not thought, heard or felt before - but it just resonates profoundly. part of what i've always adored about pedro the lion is that snarky, cynical quality to which i seem to be so naturally drawn. i've loved their approach to religion - a frank and pointed look at "the church" in general. a great example is the song "secret of the easy yoke." listening to that song is like finding a philosopher or church father that you never knew existed, but whom echoes your attitudes in a much more eloquent [and musical] manner.

"could someone please tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall?
i still have never seen you...and some days, i don't love you at all."

what good is my faith if i haven't questioned it enough to truly own it? if i can't care enough to bring myself to disagree with some things? i hate feeling like i have to fight constantly, but if i'm entirely certain of what i have when i'm finished, isn't it worth it? from the podcast...

"...the obsession with that category [being a christian or not being a christian] is the sum total of most people's faith identity."

he says before this that he got tired of considering the "am i on the bus? am i off the bus?" question and decided instead to deal with his doubts concerning christianity instead of worrying about the label. i've been thinking about this lately, given the time of year and the growing popularity of christian haunted houses *cough*. to accept jesus only because of your fear of hell isn't to love him for what he's done. it's clinging to him in order to escape danger. what happens when the fear has past? especially when this type of "evangelism" tends to imply that once you're saved from hell, then that's the biggest hurdle. it makes me sick.

i often wonder if this is why i am a christian.

if i knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when i died that would be it - i can't honestly say that i would make the same choices. that scares the shit out of me. and i haven't a clue what to do about it.