all hallows eve. yay.

i'm sick of people coming into the bank and demanding their candy.
i'm sick of people throwing huge fits over things which are not that goddamn big of a deal.
i'm sick of people who can't keep track of their own shit [read: money] getting angry at me about it.
i'm tired of being the sounding board for everyone's negativety.
i'm tired of living one place and always wishing i was in another.
i'm tired of reminding myself all-too-late to keep my friggin' mouth shut.

i want to feel like it's okay to take some time to myself when i need it, that i won't be letting someone down or hurting someone's feelings.
i want to move. to a new city. where i know no one.
i want to take a week off work and spend the entire time cleaning and making things and sleeping in.




is it january yet? or at least the middle of december so i don't have to feel badly about not doing anything for my theology class. hot damn.

i made two things! by myself! today!

i'm so proud of myself - i made homemade pumpkin bread (which rocks). and i finished the rest of megan's christmas present [and took pictures of her without her realizing that it's for her! double rock!] first, the tasties:

it's amazing how something that starts off looking like this:

ends up looking like this:

and now, the amazing cowlness:

look numero uno:

look numero dos:

look tres:

and numero quatro:

isn't she adorable? and she loves the cowl, she wants me to make her one. i'm so sneaky...talking about selling it on etsy or wearing it myself. and...she's just unobservant enough to not realize it's from her. oh, and i failed to mention that i didn't use any kind of pattern for this. i just pulled it out of my tiny little brain.
my roommate is googling things like "purple frog neck" and "baloney cat."


in other news: i'm choosing to fail my theology class [i just don't care anymore] and my ass is numb. stupid freaking futon. g'night.

aah, photos:

ugh. it pisses me off that of all days of the week which i could get sick, it has to be on my day off. it's not like i got to sleep in, either. i had to get up, get dressed and go to class to introduce our guest speaker.
then promptly walked out the door.
i wish i could blame my incoherent rambling on cold medicine, but i hadn't taken any...so, let's just agree that i'm an idiot and nervous around people i don't know, and go forward from there. happy? happy.

i want to learn how to sew...which, could i choose a more expensive hobby? well, besides the photography habit. thank god for digital, because i already have all the shit i need. crochet, while it can be expensive, can also be really cheap if one knows how to go about watching for sales on yarn.
at any rate, i finally put my photos on my computer of stuff i've made lately. just two baby blankets, but i'm pretty damn proud of myself!

these first photos are from a blanket i finished during the summer, the nursery theme was "jungle animals." in reality, the yarn was all too dark, but i still loved it.

this second one i just finished last weekend! yay! L and S aren't finding out the gender beforehand, so i tried to pick neutral colors.


the first one i made with vanna's choice - bought at joann fabric's. the second one with some baby yarn i got there. i don't remember the brand, but let me tell you now. i. hate. baby yarn. when i work with it, little fuzzies come off and then seem to miraculously float up to my nostrils and hang out there. itchy.

oh thank god

seven days left...i want to ask how much damage can one man do in a week, but that would just be begging for it.

this morning i actually got out of bed early enough to hang up some of my clothing instead of just moving it from the floor to the bed and back to the floor, so i decided to iron a shirt to wear to work today. so, i dig out the ironing board, plug in the iron and walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water to put in it. maybe - maybe 45 seconds later i grab the iron to tilt it back for easier pouring, and promptly pull my hand away while yelling "son! of! a! bitch!" at the top of my lungs. [happy tuesday morning, neighbors]
oops. i had totally forgotten that the iron was on. luckily, the water i had to put in previously mentioned iron-from-hell was cool enough to keep my fingers from falling off. so...i'm holding the last three fingers of my left hand in the cup of water while trying to move my shirt around/iron it with my right hand and crying because my fingers hurt so badly. when my roommate walks out of the bathroom having just gotten out of the shower.

i'm sure there are days when she wonders how i don't accidentally walk out into traffic.

stupidly, the first thing that ran through my head after the initial string of curse words was something along the lines of "shit. now i won't be able to crochet for at least a week." but ha. not only did i crochet today, i also cooked and did the dishes and cleaned a little. wee!


i want to be crafty. and not the sly kind, but the creative kind. i want to make things with my hands that people can use and treasure. unfortunately, i have very little ability (save occasionally crochet accomplishments) and absolutely no money at the present time to put towards this desire.


furthermore, gavin is coming to visit for new years. this will keep me from imploding into a tiny ball of suck, since my roommate will be abandoning me for new york city AND broadway AND wonderful friends whom i've not had the opportunity to see in years. i'm not jealous at all.
not anymore, anyway.







in other news, i think this is the longest blog entry i've ever posted on blogger. :S

decisions:

i decided. finally and completely. i am finished with seminary.

next august (almost a year away...*sigh*) i'm going back to wichita. i know it's forever, but finally making the decision brings it way closer to home. brings me closer to home.



there's really nothing else to say.

all things pragmatic and spiritual:

i must decide whether or not to finish seminary. obviously, the easiest way to make up my mind is to...not make up my mind, to let God tell me what it is He has for me, and then just do it.

but what about when that doesn't happen? clearly, there are several possibly options to this. the first being, god is telling me and i'm not listening. the second - i'm just not asking hard enough. in the end, i'm just going to make a decision and hope that it's the correct one.



i'm dropping out of seminary [after this semester]. i just can't do it anymore. and with that comes the slightly expected crisis of thought. "what am i called to do? am i called to do anything at all? have i ever been? am i just making all this up as i go along?

probably.

it's too late to be awake:

we've reached the portion of the evening where i am so tired that it's basically a knee-jerk reaction to insult anyone who says anything that doesn't make sense to me.